Decendants Reaction

fromHere

Sooo descendants. So, I'll post the thoughts I have as they come up. And then a sort of summary in a following post.



This is a decent set up..... villains all set in an island... beast's son.
Beast made a bad joke
So.... son is going to make a decision and... yah not the best
How did he choose them?
Maleficent! with all the powers of hell!
Man beasts' son is squeaky
Oh heres' kiddy dubstep
.... Is it bad I kind of like this?
Maleficent isn't too bad.
creepy grabby men are creepy
Oh Maleficent..... I love you soooo much.
Villians. Oh villains. Cruella is crazy is.
Revenge on the fridge?
Maleficent, ultimate helicopter mom
Why is Jafar a klepto?
Really, a fight over candy?
... well that's Catty
And now Mal is being evil and sort of bossy
So is Carlos the nerd friend?
Spindle... oh that's evil.
So do they hire the stupid guards or not?
Missed joke opportunity: guard was actually Sleepy.
So hall of villains. That's always fantastic.
Whiney song about mothers
Don't you want to be evil? YES
Why is Maleficent so tiny?
Good evil laugh, but it's a bit much.
Wait they're already going to steal the wand? seems a bit quick.
Forcefield and siren. All it needed was a camera.
And commecial break.
If someone hands you a crying baby.... what do you do?
CURSE IT. CURSE THE BABY.
"pick the one that doesn't sound like fun."
So right.
Jane=Fairy godmother's daughter? she seems sorta like fluttershy.
Poison? OOH kill someone with it.
Jafar's son... very agro. I like
Wait was that a victory breakdance?
Well that ruined it.
I really do like Mal.
Poor girl is so scared
... Mal is scary. Scary evil. Good manipulator.
And charming is a brainless oaf.
Carlos is terrified of dogs.... uhhhh
So... you leave the son of Cruella.... in a forest... with a dog.....
BAD IDEA
Is Evie dressed up like Snow White?
... who's the more evil one... Evie or Charming 2?
Dopey's poor son.
.... Daughter of Mulan... Just wanting more hair
And Mal is going to roofie the prince
And now the girl here realizes that oh... yah. Your parents were dicks.
Even villains love their.... Oh
..... And they stole the tear!
Is mal just the school hairstylist?
Man aurora's daughter is stupid.
Oh EVIL MAL
Evil.... oh I love it.
And the prince has been roofied.
you know sports game would be better
OH YES
Beast's son is gonna say it
SAY IT
SAY IT
And poor aurora daughter.
And it's ruined again.
Don't they know songs in this movie tend to suck?
You know they should have made this bit bigger... like Blues Brothers....
Oh shit.... he took the mirror.
Charming 2 is a dick.
and another commercial
Ok we're back
And we're focusing on the make-up and the girls....
You afraid of your mommy?
Yes.
What about momma Maleficent?
Do the words "all the powers of hell" mean anything to you?
Beast's son says for the first time... I expect it to be "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREEEEVER"
Tell me something about you?
Mal's middle name is bertha?
Well at least it's not Florean (sorry Fortescue)
Is this your first... OK STRANGER DANGER
TELL ME says prince wussy
We don't have things in common
Poor benny penny.
Crowns don't make you a king. You choose? SHOCKER
.... he sees the goodness inside you!
Just keep swimming just keep swimming...
Is she um... just freaking out with the strawberries?
And he roars... charming. Wait no, not charming, that's the other one.
You know, I thought this earlier but the lipsincing is REALLY bad for the songs
And we're saving the budget by montaging the past bit of the movie for you all! Sure we have you for two hours with commercials, but we can take you for longer by adding a song and montage of things you've already seen!
Sooo Princy how you feeling?
And he shakes himself off to dry off
Fancy rock. All girls love fancy rocks!
... Guys.... we don't know what we did.
.... Oh no, is Ben de-roofied?
Say it Mal, continue your evil plan!
NO
EVIL
Bad, you are supposed to be b-a-d
.... STRANGER DANGER KEEP AWAY
Family day.... Oh god I wish I had more of this.
Oh god I love Maleficent.
..... Carlos! YES. Good puppy.
Wait they aren't all sure if they're stil evil?
Mal showing mercy... NO STOMP HIS HEART AND BRAINS. CRUSH THAT SKULL
OH F**K NO
NO NO NO NO
DO NOT
I KNOW
BUT DO NOT
AAAAAGH
YOU ARE RUINING A CLASSIC DISNEY SONG.
THIS RENDITION IS GIVING ME CANCER
CAN'T THE VILLAINS JUST LIGHT THEM ALL ON FIRE?
wait no, that would make them heroes I guess.
So... Mal really likes strawberries huh?
And reveal to beast.
Poor Belle.
Poor Beast.
All that was missing was a "AUGH"
Oh look, racism-substitute
You enjoyed hurting people!... So?
Oh he got a whiff of knock out gas.
"This isn't their fault" "Nope it's yours"
HI SUPPORTIVE PARENTS
.... and now everyone's chilly to Benny boy.
.... wait was that Jane being bitchy?
And yes. Good Villains. Remember... pain=evil.
And another commercial break.
Wait... an ANIMATED version? That would have worked SO much better!
And we're back.
I kinda would have liked more time with the villain parents
Wait... WHAT
"yah I knew you roofied me"
"..... So how long have you known?"
Since the swim
Huh. And he still loves the person who roofied him. You know... FOR KIDS
Huh heel turn for Benny boy's parents
you know, I know this is uncharacteristic,  but I would have liked Belle to threaten Mal. Just a bit.
No, No villain kids, don't have second thoughts. I see those faces!
You know, where's Lumier and Cogsworth? Did they just give them time off?
STEAL IT
STEAL IT NOW
....Mally?
Come on
Steal it
Steal it
STEAL IT
That's right Maleficent! she should grab it already!
Oh she grabbed it
and broke the barrier
Oh wait... That was Godmother's kid.
... No. Mal, be evil!
BE EVIL DAMNIT
Your heart says "be evil"
... Mal, come on... be evil
Be evil.
NO DAMNIT
POWER OF ... gah -_-'
Gag me.
Carlos? "I'm still piss scared of mum"
"they can't get you here"
uh... did they miss the whole "broke the barrier" bit?
Maleficent snorts... brilliant.
Maleficent, kill the people. TORTURE THEM ALL.
.... No, love is weak. Compared to the powers of HELL.
The dragon looks weird Coulda done better... but I guess, so long as shes using all the powers of hell
Green eye stare..... hereditary magic?
And now she's a gecko....
is this over now?
And another song...
Is this what they blew their budget on?
So... this is random during the big dance number that just pads the movie, but who's wheelchair girl?
Seriously was this last song necessary?
.... so they sequel bait... that's confident of them.

And that was Descendants. Well... it was a good thought. But well, to some extent, Ever After High already hit a few of the notes, and debatably better. (Wait did a 24 year old guy reference a doll franchise... let's ignore that) Anywho, I guess it was charming in it's own way, but the song and dance routine was a bit.... Terrible. Just Terrible. Which is a bit of a shame because when you think of modern Disney villain, you think of the villain song. Frollo's Hellfire, Ursula's Poor Unfortunate Soul's, Facilier's Friends on the other side. Perhaps worth mentioning is that with the exception of Jafar (debatably) none of them really have villain songs. (I mean I guess you could count Cruella as well but I mean songs that they sing). The film didn't quite seem to know what it wanted to be either. Are we goofy and fun, are we serious, is this a coming of age or is it light hearted... it was just sort of all over the place. Aside from that, the girls were done great, but the boys were sort of skimmed over, which seems to be a waste. Don't get me wrong, as a female protagonist... or sort of grey-anti-hero is fantastic, but the whole focus on love (while classic) is sort of... played out, especially for the female protagonist. But it wasn't entirely bad... not terrible, but not good.

Hopefully, they will decide to go a little deeper, and really play with the team the next time round, and for goodness sake... give the boys some better character development.~